Best Cell Phones

I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities- a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.
Author: Franklin D. Roosevelt

I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that there's always somebody there, somebody that's family.
Author: Trey Parker and Matt Stone

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Author: Oscar Wilde

I thought ten thousand swords must have leaped from their scabbards to avenge even a look that threatened her with insult. But the age of chivalry is gone.
Author: Edmund Burke

I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for the truth; and truth rewarded me.
Author: Simone de Beauvoir

Why is it easy to break in to an old man's house? Because his gait is broken, and his locks are few.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn't resist asking the doctor, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" The doctor asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?" "Oh no," Edgar replied, "I've never done either." Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?" Edgar said, "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" the doctor asked. "No, I don't," Edgar replied. Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?" "No," Edgar said, "I don't do any of those things." The good doctor looked at Edgar and said, "Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?"
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. "Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes