If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
Author: Yiddish Proverb

The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits.
Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne

The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful
Author: Frederick Locker-Lampson

The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood.
Author: Jean Cocteau

I don't care what people think. people are stupid.
Author: Charles Barkley

QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people.
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that!"
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me."
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes