Best Cell Phones

Luck is the residue of design.
Author: Branch Rickey

Make all you can, save all you can, give all you can.
Author: John Wesley

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Author: Robert Orben

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.
Author: Epictetus

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Author: Andy Rooney

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass." The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?" The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the nwindow $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers. In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend. The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again." To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!