Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
Author: Sophocles

Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.
Author: Sir Arthur Helps

It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact.
Author: Edmund Burke

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
Author: Terry Pratchett

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
Author: Bertrand Russell

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

What language do they speak in Cuba ? Cubic !
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes