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If the rich could hire the poor to die for them, the poor would make a very nice living.
Author: Jewish Proverb

If the young only knew; if the old only could.
Author: French Proverb

If there is one thing worse than being an ugly duckling in a house of swans, it's having the swans pretend there's no difference.
Author: Teena Booth

If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others.
Author: Francois de La Rochefoucauld

If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits?
Author: Carl Sagan

What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man? A door to door salesman!
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago," says God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says another. "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again," says God. "What about Earth then," suggests another. "You must be joking," says God, "I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're still bloody talking about it."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?" "Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes