Best Cell Phones

I find nothing more depressing than optimism.
Author: Paul Fussell

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate women because they always know where things are.
Author: James Thurber

I have everything now I had 20 years ago except now, it's all lower.
Author: Gypsy Rose Lee

I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.
Author: William Shakespeare

How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But he has to check it 100 times, one for each watt.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've e njoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic? He charges you double.
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes