If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.
Author: Michelangelo Buonarroti

If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience.
Author: John Cage

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Author: Fran Lebowitz

If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough.
Author: Jef Mallett

The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Author: Oprah Winfrey

Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, "When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same way."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes