If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience.
Author: John Cage

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Author: Fran Lebowitz

If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough.
Author: Jef Mallett

The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Author: Oprah Winfrey

Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.
Author: Hodding Carter

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, "When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same way."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes