I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Author: Fran Lebowitz

If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough.
Author: Jef Mallett

The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Author: Oprah Winfrey

Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.
Author: Hodding Carter

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
Author: Roy Blount Jr.

First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf? Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
This is the joke from a category: Lawyer jokes