Best Cell Phones

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Author: Mitch Hedberg

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Author: Alfred Adler

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm.
Author: Elizabeth Bowen

It is fortunate to be of high birth, but it is no less so to be of such character that people do not care to know whether you are or are not.
Author: Jean de la Bruyere

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator. As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN." When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: "MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."'
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

What do you call a pig with three eyes? ...A piiig
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes

Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older. Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
This is the joke from a category: Rabbit jokes