Best Cell Phones

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
Author: Georges Clemenceau

Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.
Author: W. L. George

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear
Author: Patricia E. Presutti

If you're holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.
Author: J. K. Rowling

Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper.
Author: Dr. Thomas Fuller

How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
This is the joke from a category: Vampire jokes

Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well. "That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?" The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. "Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the night." Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here one night!" "Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes