Best Cell Phones

It may be that the old astrologers had the truth exactly reversed, when they believed that the stars controlled the destinies of men. The time may come when men control the destinies of stars.
Author: Arthur C. Clarke

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
Author: Isaac Asimov

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Author: George Burns

It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are.
Author: O. Henry

If men will not be governed by God, they will be ruled by tyrants.
Author: William Penn

Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
This is the joke from a category: Cannibal jokes

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
This is the joke from a category: Business jokes

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
This is the joke from a category: Cat jokes

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.
This is the joke from a category: Children jokes