Best Cell Phones

No, 'tis slander, Whose edge is sharper than the sword, whose tongue Outvenoms all the worms of Nile, whose breath Rides on the posting winds, and doth belie All corners of the world.
Author: William Shakespeare

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
Author: Tallulah Bankhead

Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
Author: Louis L'Amour

Nonsense and noise will oft prevail, when honour and affection fail.
Author: William Lloyd

Not even the gods fight against necessity.
Author: Simonides

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?" The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken." The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?" "Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step." "If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

A man walks into an auto parts store and says "I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo." The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says "Yup, seems like a fair trade to me."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes