Best Cell Phones

I think that anyone who comes upon a Nautilus machine suddenly will agree with me that its prototype was clearly invented at some time in history when torture was considered a reasonable alternative to diplomacy.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark Twain

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.
Author: G. K. Chesterton

I understand a fury in your words, But not the words.
Author: William Shakespeare

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Author: Steven Wright

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won't like that. Teacher: Why is that? Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The school bus!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: My little sister ate it!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
This is the joke from a category: School jokes