Best Cell Phones

I feel sorry for people who do not drink. When they wake up in the morning it is as good as they are going to feel all day.
Author: Frank Sinatra

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
Author: John Cleese

I hate music, especially when it's played.
Author: Jimmy Durante

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Author: Hunter S. Thompson

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Author: Jackie Mason

Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out, "Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything." "Now, son," scolded Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults."
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ? Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

What do you call a small parent? A minimum !
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision:"
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes

Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes