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The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.
Author: Robert Fulghum

I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty... But I am too busy thinking about myself.
Author: Edith Sitwell

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
Author: Benjamin Franklin

Who will guard the guards themselves? (quis custodiet ipsos custodes?)
Author: Juvenal

No fine work can be done without concentration and self-sacrifice and toil and doubt.
Author: Max Beerbohm

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
This is the joke from a category: Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat? Mom ! I see an angel.
This is the joke from a category: Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish." The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits." The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes" Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
This is the joke from a category: Computer jokes

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.
This is the joke from a category: Computer jokes

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?" "Of course." DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?" "Of course." DED: Then why are you calling me?" "Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser. "Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover." There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
This is the joke from a category: Computer jokes