Best Cell Phones

I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.
Author: Seneca

The palest ink is better than the best memory.
Author: Chinese Proverb

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Author: Finley Peter Dunne

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
Author: Carol Burnett

The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark.
Author: Barbara Hall

At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training course. He ran about 10 yards away to be safe, and yelled the instructions. "Pull the pin, throw and hit the dirt!" The private proceeds to do so, and throws the explosive directly at the sergeant! A few months later, the sergeant meets the private in a group of men killed in battle. He goes up the the private- no hard feelings because heaven is well, great- and asks him how he 'bit the dust.' Responds the private: "Well, i was caught in a ambush; these guys," He thumbs behind him. "got caught in the jeep under the fire. I managed to make it to a ditch where i yanked a grenade form my belt and pulled the pin and lever. The enemy runs away seeing it, so i put the grenade back onto my belt."
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for. One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to Division Headquarters. As he got to the gate, the XO stopped him. In a very sarcastic voice he said, "Aren't we paying our drivers a lot these days?" The NCO, without missing a beat re plied, "Not at all, Sir, when you consider what we are paying gate guards."
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening. The sergeant examines the mug and says: - You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Requesting Radar". "What is you position?" asked ATC "You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied. After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency" "What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One "You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes