Best Cell Phones

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Author: Richard Diran

Stubbornness is also determination. It's simply a matter of shifting from "won't power" to "will power."
Author: Peter McWilliams

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
Author: H. L. Mencken

Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'
Author: Margaret Cho

Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.
Author: Mike Ditka

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes