Best Cell Phones

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Author: Publilius Syrus

My life is very crazy and busy, but I love it that way.
Author: Hilary Duff

My mind to me a kingdom is, Such present joys therein I find, That it excels all other bliss.
Author: Sir Edward Dyer

I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.
Author: Herbert Bayard Swope

What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She took an old friend for a drive, but after only half a mile the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. "Oh. Maud," said her friend, "you've lost your engine!" "Never mind, dear," said auntie. "I've got a spare one in the trunk."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding. One said, "What are we going to do?" The other replied, "Quick, turn the car into a side street."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

What sort of a car has your dad got? I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes