Best Cell Phones

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Author: Robert Frost

A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
Author: Henry Morgan

A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.
Author: Benjamin H. Brewster

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Author: Mark Twain

A life of peace, purity, and refinement leads to a calm and untroubled old age.
Author: Cicero

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Q: What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? A: Ok you 2, dont start anything
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!