Best Cell Phones

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Author: Mark Twain

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Author: Mitch Hedberg

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Author: Alfred Adler

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
Author: Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm.
Author: Elizabeth Bowen

What do mice do when they're at home ? Mousework !
This is the joke from a category: Mouse jokes

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.
This is the joke from a category: Movie and TV jokes

Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away? A: Root position cords.
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
This is the joke from a category: Old age jokes

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator. As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN." When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: "MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."'
This is the joke from a category: Parent jokes