Best Cell Phones

Folks never understand the folks they hate.
Author: James Russell Lowell

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Author: Fran Lebowitz

Fools rush in where fools have been before.
Author: Unknown

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
Author: Richard Feynman

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
Author: Terry Pratchett

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman walking alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. nThey were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on really quickly, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said - "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemize d accounting of his charges. The engineer responded with the following account: Chalk: $1 Knowing where to put it: $49,999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes

Why did the janitor take early retirement? Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.
This is the joke from a category: Humor jokes