Best Cell Phones

Life is too short for traffic.
Author: Dan Bellack

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
Author: Dan Quayle

'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned.
Author: J. Jacques

I, thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated To closeness and the bettering of my mind.
Author: William Shakespeare

Living apart and at peace with myself, I came to realize more vividly the meaning of the doctrine of acceptance. To refrain from giving advice, to refrain from meddling in the affairs of others, to refrain, even though the motives be the highest, from tam
Author: Henry Miller

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microp hone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F--- you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London." The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that." "Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or No," she replied.
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes