Best Cell Phones

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Author: Isaac Asimov

Life is too short for traffic.
Author: Dan Bellack

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
Author: Dan Quayle

'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned.
Author: J. Jacques

I, thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated To closeness and the bettering of my mind.
Author: William Shakespeare

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
This is the joke from a category: Apple jokes

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples."
This is the joke from a category: Apple jokes

What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
This is the joke from a category: Apple jokes

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said, 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'
This is the joke from a category: Apple jokes

A young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that the best place to find participants for the survey would be the airport. After three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality...I was wondering if you could answer a few questions..." The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him. After three questions, she asks him "...and when was the last time you had sex?". Straight away the Captain replies "1959". The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?". "Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only 2015 now..."
This is the joke from a category: Aviation jokes