Best Cell Phones

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Author: Nancy Reagan

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Author: Demetri Martin

I came to the realization that there were certain public issues that were most usefully dealt with within some sort of framework of at least my private beliefs, if not my private life.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Author: Dwight D. Eisenhower

Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Little monster: Mom, Mom, what's for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes