Best Cell Phones

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
Author: Unknown

Just what is it that America stands for? If she stands for one thing more than another it is for the sovereignty of self-governing people.
Author: Woodrow Wilson

Justice delayed, is justice denied.
Author: William Gladstone

Keeping your clothes well pressed will keep you from looking hard pressed.
Author: Coleman Cox

Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.
Author: Epictetus

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice to the other end cooly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didn't!"
This is the joke from a category: Various animal jokes

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
This is the joke from a category: Waiter jokes

How do sheep keep warm in winter ? Central bleating !
This is the joke from a category: Weather jokes

Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
This is the joke from a category: Witch jokes