Best Cell Phones

If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
Author: Arthur Schopenhauer

Luxury is the wolf at the door and its fangs are the vanities and conceits germinated by success. When an artist learns this, he knows where the danger is.
Author: Tennessee Williams

Make it your habit not to be critical about small things
Author: Edward Everett

Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors.
Author: Jewish Proverb

Make your own recovery the first priority in your life.
Author: Robin Norwood

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets 'em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. "How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand. "It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!