Best Cell Phones

If you're here for four more years or four more weeks, you're here right now. I think when you're somewhere, you ought to be there. It's not about how long you stay in a place, it's about what you do while you're there, and when you go, is that place any
Author: Karen Hall and Jerry Stahl

To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Author: Oscar Wilde

To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
Author: Charles Buxton

To no one will we sell, to no one will we refuse or delay right or justice.
Author: Magna Carta

To read a book for the first time is to make the acquaintance of a new friend; to read it a second time is to meet an old one.
Author: Selwyn Champion

How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub.
This is the joke from a category: Bath jokes

My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.
This is the joke from a category: Beauty jokes

Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars.
This is the joke from a category: Bed jokes

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"
This is the joke from a category: Bicycle jokes

Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a full-grown grizzly bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"
This is the joke from a category: Biologist jokes